Week 6: Joey Porter DID A BAD JOB

We feel bad for Jason Taylor, we really do; even though he committed outright theft of the Defensive Player of the Year award in 2006. Mr. Taylor must feel like he's using a pick axe to chip away at a mountain every Sunday. A mountain that was created by the thoughts of his ten horrendous teammates. Like in the Never Ending Story. And just like Bastian in Fantastica we need to give the Dolphins defense a name. We'll shoot for oh, let's say:

JOEY PORTER

Now, we have no idea if Joey Porter feels guilty for perpetrating an even more blatant robbery than Taylor did. $32 million may be more criminal to steal than an award, in fact. Joey Porter put on Junior Seau's number, and apparently his arthritis came as a package deal. The guy is terrible. He guaranteed a win against Oakland, and all seemed well until the Raiders rushed for 299 yards and Daunte Culpepper made it rain all over Miami.

It's to the point where we imagine that Dolphins fans are locking and loading to shoot Mr. Porter in the ass to try and rejuvenate his career. Hey, it worked once, right? Porter has ZERO sacks this entire season and is on pace for a whopping fifty tackles.

Vice Admiral Kellen Winslow outright stomped on Porter and the rest of the Miami line backing corps, in what we wonder is possibly some conspiracy by the Ginn family to make sure Brady Quinn stays on the bench so Teddy and Cam aren't stabbed by an angry mob after Quinn lights up the league. The Ginn family engineered the further rise of Derek Anderson.

We now quote Joey Porter on Commodore Kellen Winslow.

"It was late, that's what faggots do. He's soft. He wants to be tough but he's really soft."

And he was so soft he lit your ass up.

IF YOU CANNOT KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT AND ARE CONSTANTLY WRONG WHILE SINGLEHANDEDLY TANKING THE ECONOMY OF SOUTH FLORIDA WITH YOUR RIDICULOUS SALARY YOU DID A BAD JOB...A TERRIBLE JOB.

Honorable Mentions:

Santana Moss
Kurt Warner
Dom Capers
Chicago Bears defense

What it means to DO A BAD JOB:

1. Lose
2. Be one of the main reasons your team lost
3. General terriblelyness